I wondered about this when I saw four new subclasses for 5E on Unearthed Arcana.

They can’t be serious, right? I downloaded the PDF with the subclasses because I was just too curious on this one. Now, to be fair, words “Dark Sun” nor “Athas” appear nowhere in the document so far as I’ve seen.

Side note: Now I remember why I love Dragonbane so darned much. There are too many complicated details that don’t need to be in the game. D&D 5E.2024 doesn’t entice me with its mechanical simplicity, to be sure.

I find it somewhat telling, in my highly conspiratorial mind, that it is being recommended to run with the Quests from the Infinite Staircase. Who do we know at Wizards of the Coast who worked on Quests? Makenzie DeArmas. What else is she known for? Ruining every project she touches and only having six whole years total in the hobby. She only had two when WotC hired her. That should be a massive red flag right there.

I’m not sure what the heck they’re testing.

Dark Sun cover from DMsGuild.com

There’s no way this can really be Dark Sun, can it? I have the original editions of this game including the 3E Dragon Magazine articles and the 4E books. I like Dark Sun the way it used to be.

There’s no way WotC is going to bring back Dark Sun proper. Maybe they’re doing this for the same reason they remade Planescape, Spelljammer, and continue to pimp out the old D&D cartoon characters: just to retain the Trademark rights by claiming they’re “current works.” Still, if they’re not going to keep to the Dark Sun lore, the setting loses all of its flavor and there’s nothing left.

Or they’re going to drop the Dark Sun-esque material into one of their compilations next year just to hang onto the rights. I can’t see WotC getting litigious over this like they used to because they said they were effectively done with the IP. The infamous Kyle Brink said Dark Sun would never return because it was “too problematic.”

From the DMsGuild.com Dark Sun 2E entry. Note what’s below the disclaimer, too.

“Old white dudes… can’t leave soon enough for this hobby.”

Someone is inevitably going to point out that I’m one of those old fart white guys from the Midwest flyover states and that my opinion doesn’t count. Followed by some vague platitudes by WotC about wanting the old fans back. At this point I think they should be trying to get any fans back.

Remember this gem? Same guy that said Dark Sun was “too problematic” and would never return.

The irony here is I’m advocating that they never officially touch Dark Sun again ever! I don’t think their writers have the maturity for it. I don’t think the game mechanics work with it. I especially don’t think their intended audience wants or can handle the game. Seriously there is no logical reason for them to bring Dark Sun back.

Let’s look at some key components of Dark Sun. It was an apocalyptic fantasy game. It was basically Mad Max only with wizards and no cars. Most of the standard Western Fantasy tropes such as happy little elves in sylvan forests with unicorns and lots of magic were nowhere to be found. Metal was scarce at best. Desert covered most of the planet which was cracked due to a catastrophic use of magic.

There were tons of oppressive, evil sorcerers. Slavery was a thing (that we usually had to fight against because some of our characters were former slaves. Items and spells that warded off the environment were unlikely. Starvation, thirst, poverty, and lack ran rampant. All the wealth and power were centered around certain NPCs, and they weren’t into sharing or caring. Did I mention cannibalism might have come up a few times? There’s a reason it was called DARK Sun.

Even the bog standard “species” for the game such as Thri Kreen and Muls (Half Dwarves) would make people freak out on social media two minutes after being released to players. If you ever thought Orcs in combat wheelchairs were hard to handle, wait til they have to contend with Half Dwarves that won’t think twice about eating an injured party member. There are no horny Tiefling Bards or pretty Genasi associated with the Elemental Plane of Water to be found on Athas. (That’s the world of Dark Sun, btw.)

Magic items? Shapeshifting fuzzy Druids? Paladins? Happy little dwarven baristas with matching tattoos braiding each other’s beards in their forge/bakery? That stuff did not exist period. Clerics? Not happening the way we understand them in 5E.2024. In fact I can’t think of anything in Dark Sun from back in the day that fits with the modern D&D except maybe the name? Even then, I’ll be surprised if they don’t change that.

I used to really enjoy Dark Sun and I know some people still do.

Just not in D&D 5E. There have been plenty of conversions to other games such as Shadowdark. I honestly just don’t think the fantasy superhero mentality Critical Role kids are built to handle the brutal realities of Dark Sun lore and to abandon that would be akin to creating a whole new game. That’s something else I’ve literally begged them for to no avail on multiple occasions only to hear crickets.

Still, this is the one campaign setting that WotC is just better off leaving in the damned vault for a change. Let it go before you embarrass yourselves, WotC. I hope your cherrypicked panel of prized DungeonTubers have the common sense to tell you the same. Doing this is to invite failure. Mark my words, official Dark Sun D&D 5E.2024 will be doomed to utter failure.

What’s next? Birthright? Al Qadim? Oriental Adventures? Isn’t WotC employing sensitivity readers anymore?

I’m begging you, Wizards of the Coast, if you want to spare D&D going down a dark and twisted path that will inevitably be mishandled by immature writers, PLEASE DO NOT REMAKE OFFICIAL DARK SUN! Find something else to drag out of the archives, please. It’s just not going to fly this time.

Thank you for being here with me today. I appreciate you. Keep it real, but please strive for positivity, too. Please embrace the things that bring you the most joy in your life.