What separates a “good” player from a “bad” one.

Trick question! There rarely are bad ones. Cussing and screaming on YouTube or social media about “bad” players really isn’t a good look for a so-called “Public Dungeon Master.”

I’m going to go off the assumption that if a player shows up to a tabletop roleplaying game session, they want to be there and participating. The only time I have ever seen disruptive players, which is the only time I would say they’re being “bad” is when they show up strictly to be assanine. I’ve only ever seen it at conventions and game shops. Home games and long-term campaigns rarely suffer that problem. Nor do one-shots run in someone’s home.

Disclaimer: Statements expressed in this article are strictly my opinion. If you disagree or have a different opinion, that’s okay. I’m not an expert on everything. I’m not always right. I’m just writing from my experience as I know it. Your mileage may vary.

Don’t be “that Game Master.”

No matter how bad my session goes, what went down outside of game that might be playing on my emotions as a GM, or what bizarro player drama is going on outside of game, I never lose my cool in front of my players. We’ve called breaks and cancelled sessions because people were having issues, or my own mental health was starting to suffer a bit. The main thing is we worked through the problem off stage so to speak.

“Never let them see you bleed, Mr. Bond.” –Q, The World is Not Enough.

We show up to TTRPGs to have fun, not hear about someone’s personal problems. Sometimes the GM bears the extra responsibility out of game to be everyone’s bartender, unpaid therapist, etc, but in game we’re responsible for NPCs, monsters, combat rules, etc. Most players just want to show up and play their character, smash things with their mace, and crack jokes. Whatever they come to the game for, as long as they’re present and playing, is fine.

I’m gonna carve it into something around here- THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO ROLEPLAY!

For example, my wife is a very casual gamer. She has a few rousing in character moments in our Dungeons & Dragons game. (I keep trying to get her to play Power Rangers with me as an aside.) Regardless, she’s mostly there for the social element of the gaming group.

My lovely wife provides us with as many accommodations as possible. She brings snacks, dips, beverages, and sometimes full meals for the group. Heck, she’ll even help people outside the game with homework and school if needed. (When it’s not our kids.) She just loves to hang out and be part of the story and the group.

My wife has a very literary background when it comes to fantasy consumption. Mercedes Lackey is her favorite. (No, she can’t play Vanyel, ever.) When she speaks in character it is very bold, eloquent, and meaningful. Her characters’ actions are often decisive and final. I rarely say, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

My point is everyone’s player style is perfectly valid. I rarely turn players away unless they’re openly bigoted in some way. I have friends and family I care about at my table and it’s perfectly reasonable to keep them safe. Otherwise if you’re there to have fun, you are welcome.

Please do what works best for you as a Game Master and your group. What works for me at my table may not work for yours and vice versa. The main focus is to have fun. There is no right or wrong way to roleplay.

“Oh no, that ‘bad’ player is looking at his phone!”

My wife and I need our phones nearby for medical reasons. Some players might have urgent calls from work or family. I generally don’t bark about people checking their phones during a game session. I only get bothered by people on their devices if they are distracting other players. Even then, I’m pretty easygoing most of the time.

Then there’s the ADHD component. Back in ye olden days I used to stack my math rocks or draw on the cave walls while I was a player. I was still paying attention even if I was a bit fidgety. I had players that were much the same way.

Nowadays some ADHD folx have their phone to fidget with. I don’t mind as long as they’re paying attention for the most part. Some neurodivergent people (like me) use our phones to take notes, too. Whatever helps, helps. I’m good with it. I’d rather accommodate whenever possible.

As a rule, I don’t compare my players in game or out of game.

Much like people in the real world, every character has their strengths and weaknesses when compared to their peers. I don’t compare my children to one another. I don’t think it’s fair to do that to players. Again, going on YouTube and screaming about how “bad” different players are seems pretty pointless to me.

Different playstyles make for interesting game sessions. Some people make fart jokes in or out of character. Others revel in combat. Still others yet enjoy deep seated dramatic moments. I’ve had a couple of rare players that even enjoy more romantic moments although we very quickly settled most of that backstage so to speak. Some players genuinely enjoy exploration and will try to cover ground on the hex map while tracking supplies and calculating movement rates. It’s all valid.

Some player behavior does make me cringe quietly behind the scenes.

I try to put the kibosh on the min/maxing stunts if I can reasonably squash them. I try to steer out of character conversations back into the game if they are more than a minute or two. I prefer to limit player smoke breaks, phone calls, and anything that takes players away from the table for more than a few minutes. Obviously there are exceptions and accommodations where needed.

Is it worth freaking out about on social media? I don’t think so. Keep that garbage to yourself or talk to someone who isn’t in the game if you need to vent badly enough. Some players like to gossip, which is why I try to keep some comments and criticisms of players to a minimum within earshot of my players.

If something like breaks or phone calls start getting out of hand? I talk to the group. Session Zero is great, but ongoing communication with the group is just as important. If we need to change something in the rules, we talk about it before the session or on rare occasions afterward. I like a chance to go over my notes about a situation and read the rules, maybe cool off a bit before I make a final ruling. Discussions about everything from player etiquette to house in game rules happen between sessions.

I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist.

I love all y’all. I am happy to lend an ear, empathize, sympathize, or commiserate about real life outside of game. I’m well known for being everyone’s shoulder to cry on from way back in the day. Even now I’m around when people want to vent. It’s cool. I give good hugs I’m told.

But that’s where I prefer to keep my own head trash and everyone else’s relationship or other issues. Deal with it out of game. We’re all here for four to six hours to play a roleplaying game. By golly, the real world can take a deep breath and wait. That’s our fantasy time. We’re pirates, space princesses, goblins with sticks, whatever. Sometimes if I don’t get that break in my week, I’m not sure how I’m getting through the rest of the week. Even if people cancel and we end up playing Carcassonne it’s still a break.

Duality.

Yin and Yan, good or bad, serious or silly- everything falls under a continuum. I don’t throw my players on that continuum if I can avoid it. Sure, some players are more serious than others. Yes, some players are deep roleplayers or actors. Some people have combat figured out and others cringe at the very thought of their character being in a confrontation.

I avoid the notion that one player is “better” than the others. Ranting about it on YouTube only makes the situation worse and I think leads to not having players much longer. Different playstyles does not equal better or worse. If you’re there to play, you’re in the right place. Just enjoy the game.

They say it takes a community to raise a child. It likewise takes a community to make a gaming group. Our enjoyment of the game is paramount. We need to come together for the shared experience of whatever roleplaying game it is. The responsibility to ensure fun is in all our hands.

“Good” or “Bad” Game Masters are a topic for another time, but I can say with certainty that it runs along the same lines as for other players. The only difference being GMs take on more workload and greater responsibility to make sure everything comes together for a game session and that it runs smoothly in a mechanical sense. Some GMs take on more than others.

Mindfulness is a great way for GMs to go.

Speaking of GMs, we have a lot on our plate on any given day. We have all of our other obligations on top of building a game. It’s a good idea to keep an eye on our players in out of game conversations whenever reasonably possible. Sometimes we can head off drama before it gets ugly.

I think one of the best policies my groups have adopted over the years is to leave politics and religion at the door. Nowadays I practically insist on it. While I might occasionally introduce something heady from a sociocultural standpoint, I have to be very careful not to cross the border into that political territory. All I can do is set up situations where characters might learn something new. Unfortunately, my vision of a Utopia is different than that of some players. Again, I’m not here to judge.

The absolute best advice I can give to any GM on a given day is: just do the best you can and have fun. As long as the group is happy and you’re happy- party on. Otherwise work it out between sessions. Remember there is no problem in an imaginary game about goblins with sticks that can’t be resolved with real world interactions.

Please, above all, be kind, be considerate, and cut each other some slack. We’re all here to have a good time or we wouldn’t be here. Most importantly, don’t be a jackass to your fellow human beings on YouTube or anywhere else on social media. The idea is to make the hobby look more appealing to prospective new players, not chase them off with loads of profanity and negativity.

Thank you for being here with me today. I appreciate you. Keep it real, but please strive for positivity, too. Please embrace the things that bring you the most joy in your life.