*I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s feelings.

Disclaimer: This is my blog. This is how I see things and how I feel. There is little factual information being presented. If you have issue with anything being presented, please contact me privately on X (Twitter,) Instagram, BlueSky, or by email. Otherwise, there are lots of platforms out there for you to vent your feelings and opinions, too.

As the video in question pointed out and I’ll say again, if the DM/GM is stressed out over the game, something probably needs to change. End the campaign, switch to being a player, or pivot to boardgame night for a while. Stressed DMs can also delegate some of the logistical responsibilities such as scheduling, providing the play location, or worldbuilding. There are also countless tools and resources out there to help with game preparation.

We’re not in a vacuum and no DM should have to feel like they are. We’re all in this together. No one is 100% psychologically well balanced. It’s on us to help each other out. Maybe I should have said being in charge of a game should never -have- to be stressful for the DM. I think I see how that particular video title was clickbait.

Continuing my response to a DungeonTuber’s video.

I’m the first to admit I make mistakes. I make them all the time. I make them when I’m Dungeon/Game Mastering. I do the best I can to make amends and move on. That’s all anyone can do.

Ever try to apologize for a mistake you made on TTRPG social media? You want to talk about toxic? There’s an example of online toxic culture. Cringeworthy levels of toxic culture exist on X, Instagram, and especially Reddit. I avoid Reddit like the plague on humanity that it is most days.

In fact, the content creator/DungeonTuber in question is someone I really cheesed off inadvertently at one time in 2023. I did everything in my power to responsibly try to unscrew the thing, but the damage had already been done. (*As a side note, I tried to contact her via Instagram to no avail. I’m probably blocked on there as well as X.)

It’s not always black and white on social media.

Yes, people are prone to arguing over petty, seemingly insignificant facets of a larger subject just for the sake of having something to yell about. There’s also a fine line between rage-baiting and making a valid point about one’s own opinion. Unfortunately, it seems someone is usually unwilling or unhappy to give the benefit of the doubt in such cases and then the trolling begins, or it becomes a knockdown drag-out argument to the finish

As someone once famously told me (passive aggressively) on YouTube: There is no apologizing on YouTube or Twitter. No one cares about your apology. You’re wasting your time trying to make amends. No one cares about your feelings. (Paraphrased and edited for clarity minus all the f-bombs.) I’m terribly afraid he might actually be right on this one.

Maybe there is no such thing as forgiveness, peacemaking, or understanding on social media. Seems a bit bleak, dystopian, and dare I say, ”grimdark.” We’re still (mostly) humans on social media. I mean, anthropologically speaking, social media implies people making content for consumption by their fellow humans, right?

Maybe I have it wrong, but are we on here (social media) to express our thoughts and emotions? If not that, then what? If I read someone’s posts on X (Twitter,) Instagram, Threads, or BlueSky, it’s because I’m genuinely interested in them or their cat pics, whichever comes first. Sometimes dogs, too. And rabbits, squirrels, otters, as well as other critters get my attention, too. The point being is we’re here to share the joy, love, and compassion with one another, right? Or am I delusional again?

I have nothing but love for all Dungeon/D&DTubers, even when we don’t agree.

I’m not going to name all of them. Chances are if you’re reading this, it’s not you. I still intend to be rubbing elbows with these renowned stars of Dungeons & Dragons YouTube at a convention or some other event someday. (If you can’t tell, my spiritual/Law of Attraction beliefs are showing.) I do not want some sort of social media lynch mob on my hands.

As I was telling my friend the other day, “even though we don’t agree on politics or religion with (blah persons,) I’d bet money we could all sit down and game together as long as that stuff wasn’t mentioned.” It’s very easy to leave all of that personal baggage at the door and sit down together for a game session. The question becomes whether it’s more important to play the game or fight over what oftentimes petty personal crap.

Why can’t we do that on social media? Let’s leave the junk at the door and talk about games again. Sure, a lot of us have different ways of Dungeon/Game Mastering. I don’t expect anyone to do everything exactly the way I’d do it. I try to set a good example, but if I had a dollar for every time I screwed up- my DriveThruRPG wish lists would be empty now. Stuff happens. We all deal with it in our own ways.

Time to say it.

What works best at my table may not work at yours. It’s okay. Are you and your group having fun? Keep doing the thing. Great!

Are any of my advice or opinions helpful? No? This is why I gave up motivational speaking. Yes? Great! Glad I could help.

I don’t expect my players to be overjoyed 100% of the time. I’ve had players on the verge of tears followed by lots of additional drama after the session and more before the next one. It happens. Just hopefully not that often and in that quantity. The campaign did not survive long after that session. Kind of a bummer. It happens. Just try to learn from it if it does.

Truth of the matter is, not all of us humans are wired the same in a neural sense. What stresses me out probably seems like no big deal to most neurotypical folx. As far as I’m concerned no one should be stressed out running a game. I concede that some people probably do get stressed out prior to running the game.

Not all of us have the privilege of running a game for D&D in a Castle, though. Yes, that’s a real thing. The link is here. Go check it out. Again, I’m sure the content creator in questions feelings were perfectly valid. But, umm… gimme that kind of anxiety and the money/prestige that came with it any day.

I’m more annoyed that the TTRPG community was accused of being toxic.

I sorta feel like the person who made this video that started me on two days of ranting is as much at fault for stirring the proverbial pot as any of us. Yeah, spout a controversial opinion about anything online and get a big, toxic response. Right, wrong, evidence, facts, feelings- that sh🦆t goes right out the window real fast. I know people who have been doxed, threatened with physical harm, and other anxiety inducing stuff because they said something simple such as, “I prefer theatre of the mind over miniatures play.”

For those who might not know, theatre of the mind literally is as simple as it sounds. The players have to imagine the action instead of pulling out the map, terrain, and minis for every battle. Imagine people getting extremely bent out of shape over that. It’s mind boggling.

Maybe that’s the underside of being a rich and famous social media celebrity. We don’t get to see all of the toxic goings-on behind the scene. Lord knows that poor woman does get her share of toxic comments hurled at her that we may or may not see on YouTube. Luckily YouTube has rules against some of the scarier stuff and a way for creators to shut down much of it from the back end of YouTube.

Anxiety and/or dislike of toxic behavior is perfectly valid. Honestly, I don’t take feedback well. I’ve been blessed with mostly positive feedback around here in blog land so far. In those regards I’m 225 pounds of anxiety wrapped in a human shell as someone said.

I will say one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned about social media from blogging and being around it for the last four years is: Don’t poke the bee hive and then wonder why you’re being chased by Asian Murder Hornets. I’ve made one comment about that same content creator who made the stress video, and I was pretty sure I was going to have to change my name and go live off the grid somewhere. (I seriously contemplated it.)

Several deletions, omissions, redactions, and retractions later here we are. That’s why I’m not saying her name in these two articles. Her fans are scary on a good day.

One last way of looking at this before I put it to bed.

Ain’t none of us perfect. (I just broke a couple of English rules.) We’ve all probably done something we’re less than proud-of at some point. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else. But toxic?!? I think that’s extreme.
Are there toxic personalities in the TTRPG community or TTRPG YouTube? Yeah. It used to be a daily battle.

But there just comes a point where the line has to be drawn. I don’t feel I’ve ever been positively or negatively toxic toward that particular unnamed content creator or anyone else necessarily. If I have, I apologize again. It’s painful when you heap glowing praise on someone over the course of several articles and hear crickets but say one thing that gets misconstrued as negative and there’s just no turning back.
You’re on the drama llama to trauma town known as social media. It’s a one way ticket that slams to a painful halt just short of Hell. Then it’s a battle between how bad do I want my dopamine hit for the day vs how bad is it going to be? I actually think some people are addicted to the trauma and drama of it all. Yeesh.

I find it amazing that as human beings we subject ourselves to the day-in-and-day-out cycle of pleasure and pain that is social media. We seek to form connections with other human beings but despise what we see in some of them. We seek praise and validation from people who barely even know us. Our “yay for the day” comes in the form of a little heart or a thumbs up and our criticism comes from toxic trolls who may have just been bored enough to pretend they hate us.
So once again, unsure of where this took us, I’m going back to writing about monsters and the game where the monsters might well appear. I have a huge reading list of games and modules that bring me joy and lots of reviews to write.

Thank you for being here today with me. I appreciate you. Please embrace the things that bring you the most joy.