Fun.
If “fun” wasn’t the first thing to come to mind, what would we be doing? Seriously, the sheer enjoyment of the whole spectacle of TTRPGs revolves around enjoyment, fun, excitement, and relaxation. If you’re getting something else out of your TTRPG experience, that’s great. I’ll never say, “You’re doing it all wrong.” But if we’re not having fun on some level, why are we even here?
The very act of getting together to enjoy a shared experience with friends, family, or even random strangers is at the center of the TTRPG experience. That type of shared joy has been at the heart of the game ever since Dungeons & Dragons was invented. They had wargaming club buddies and eventually family to test the game on.
Disclaimer: Statements expressed in this article are strictly my opinion. If you disagree or have a different opinion, that’s okay. I’m not an expert on everything. I’m not always right. I’m just writing from my experience as I know it. Your mileage may vary.
Here’s where the story takes an interesting turn in the real world. After I began writing this article I had to leave and attend to some family business. My friend, the OG GM, unbeknownst to me, made a rare Sunday video on this very topic. The link to the video can be found here. (*Proof that telepathy is a real thing, I guess.)
OG GM sums things up quite nicely, to the point where I messaged him and let him know I wasn’t trying to farm his content. This whole thing was completely unexpected. Lucky for me, he’s a pretty cool guy.
The OG GM is very wise. Please listen to him.
“If you’re playing for fun, then you’re doing it all wrong/for the wrong reasons.”
I’ve legit heard at least two YouTubers (not OG GM) say this in their videos. These same individuals also hold fast to the notion that their style of play is right and if we’re not doing it that way, then we (the entire rest of the TTRPG community at large) are “doing it wrong.” Holy buckets. That statement makes me cringe on so many levels.
Even my worst sessions that I can remember had some laughs, some good times, and maybe a few loud moments over rules or die rolls. But I’ve never walked away from a game session feeling like I just attended a funeral or a college lecture. (*Some of those ISU profs were like watching paint dry for me.) I’m not trying to claim I’m the bestest Game Master ever or that I’ve never had a session go completely sideways, but we usually managed to come together, roll some dice, and have fun.
I’ve said before on this blog many times and will keep repeating this- You can’t get it wrong! Don’t let anyone or anything say otherwise. I would seriously question anyone who thinks TTRPGs are supposed to be super serious all the time. If gaming were as boring as math and science homework, I probably would have passed high school chemistry.
We all have other things we could do outside of the hobby.
I just saw one of my friends online list out their current group. There were a stage performer, a physics professor, an English teacher, and computer repair guy, and a maintenance tech. Aside from jobs, most people have families and interests outside of gaming. (*It’s weird, but it happens. I know.)
I’ve got a wife, four kids and three cats. No complaints, but that makes me a chef, chauffeur, butler, maintenance man, and school sports enthusiast. I also like horror movies, Ufology, Extraterrestrial studies, Law of Attraction, and lately YouTube. I’ve found that sleep is highly overrated and free time is what you make of it. Somewhere I sandwich a blog, meditation, food, and game writing into all of it.
Sometimes I’m lucky enough to manage to play in a solo game or (gasp) and actual game session with family. It’s pretty rare this time of year between swimming, kids’ concerts, and three different baseball teams. Thank Source the oldest one is graduating! Although that comes with its own financial and timing challenges. Right now we’re doing college visits trying to pick a school for the fall.
Thinking back before D&D and other TTRPGs were a major influence in my life, I had Atari 2600, GI Joe/Transformers toys, little green army men, comic books, music, and board games. I still have an obsession with Axis & Allies. Alas my career as a stage manager or rap musician never took off.
The point is, Gary Gygax and his wargaming club buddies all had lives outside of their clubs, too. Sure, any of us on any given day could be out doing other things. But we choose to get together and play games- specifically TTRPGs! Why? Because it’s fun. Because we find it enjoyable to be around other people, talk, roll dice, and eat snacks while we play. Please don’t try to convince me it was never intended to be that way.
Some people take things way too seriously.
Just because someone doesn’t play a bard the same way I do, doesn’t mean I’m wrong and they’re right. Just because I play a game with character classes and archetypes, doesn’t mean my game sucks. Some people have this incredibly self-righteous take that their way is the only way.
How do I say this nicely? Ain’t none of us qualified to be the “Ultimate TTRPG Authority.” There is no TTRPGod. We wouldn’t even be able to decide on one. Hello. Have you seen us on social media?
Likewise, I would raise concerns if anyone I knew closely was treating Dungeons & Dragons like some sort of Heaven’s Gate style cult. Far be it for me to disrespect anyone’s spiritual customs or beliefs because I’ve been known to talk to ETs. I don’t call anyone crazy unless they’re a legit danger to themselves or others. But treating game night like a religious observance in its tone and level of seriousness? That would make the eyebrow go up. (*Oh how I wish that were an extreme example.)
I’ve been trying to work out a non-theistic approach for the new game I’m working on. It’s tougher than it looks. I think Gygax and company were right to put that old clause in the books about not using real world religions in game. Then again, I don’t think Gygax ever thought he himself would be likened to Blue-Space-Chicken-Super-Jesus, either. (There really is a guy who tries to claim this on YouTube…)
Another case of “too serious” we used to see a lot back in the day was overreacting to a character death. I don’t think that’s as bad nowadays as it used to be. Maybe I’ve just been fortunate enough not to have an abundance of new 5E D&D players. Yeah, sometimes we do invest a lot of time and effort into our characters, but there’s still a line between fantasy and reality that shan’t ever be crossed.
I’ve also seen these guys from the “Bro OSR” who only play by official AD&D 1E rules only as written. They tend to take any little nuanced bending of the rules on the DM’s part as some kind of serious offense. If it’s not RAW, it’s war at the table. Interpretations of rules are strict by these guys. Great if that’s your thing. I’ll pass.
I’m saving any lengthy discussion of politics in gaming for another day. I will say a lot of the online arguments I see tend to spin around someone being too liberal or “woke” vs too conservative or [expletive, censored, redacted.] There’s also the people who claim to be die hard, rabid keep-your-politics-out-of-my-game (unless they align with said person’s politics.)
I’m also going to discuss the uses of TTRPGs as a therapeutic tool in another article. I mention it here because those games and uses of games fall into their own category. That’s presuming they’re minimally supervised by a licensed therapist. Mental health is serious business around here. It’s another case of gaming not necessarily overly “for fun,” but important, nonetheless.
We can have serious moments in a game, even take it seriously, and still have fun.
I’m talking about the kinds of things that we see people argue about on social media and YouTube every day. Safety Tools, player agency, immersion, character death, and casual vs hardcore are just a few of them. Practically every TTRPG group will have a different approach to some or all of these things and more. I always say, “Do what works best for you and your group.”
The challenge is always finding a group who aligns with one’s own sense of values in and out of game. If you want to hang with the hardcore super immersive 4-D gaming crowd, great. We tend to run into conflicts in the TTRPG community when people attempt to gatekeep large swathes of potential new players out based on something such as appearance, race, sexual orientation, etc. Gatekeeping in any hobby or art form is just not cool.
If you’re the GM and you want to bar entry into a group in your own private residence, that’s still kinda lame, but perfectly legal. In a game shop? Probably better have a darn good reason. At a convention? Now it’s looking pretty bad. Again, this is a broader topic for another time.
Player personalities and even the GM’s personality can play a part in the amount of seriousness at the table. I’ve been known to get silly and sidetracked. (*ADHD and a strange sense of humor.) Players can do it, too. The key is to know when to rein it in. Getting goofy and screwing around out of character is okay sometimes, but if the GM is trying to roleplay serious diplomacy or set up some tension for horror or combat, it’s probably time to pay attention and save the laughs for later.
Finding the right group is a lot like manifesting any other relationship in life. Sometimes it takes a bit of looking around to find just the right one. I used to have an ideal group in my head, but then I realized I was happy just to have players as long as they weren’t causing a disruption.
As I said earlier, it’s about FUN.
Whatever works best for you and your group is by far the best way to play. It’s just important to remember what works best for one group might not work so well for another. Let’s all just be cool with one another. There are plenty of groups out there with well over a million people active in the hobby. Online play has made it easier than ever to shop around for just the right group to make just about anyone feel comfortable and invited.
Please, be kind. Be considerate. Stay safe out there. Have fun.
Thank you for being here today with me. I appreciate you. Please embrace the things that bring you the most joy.
Jeff's Game Box 