Tell me I’m having a meltdown without telling me I’m melting down.

Here’s the link to the page that ruined my Wednesday. https://rpgsuperstar.com/contests/3/winners

I just about went through the email announcement and ripped it to shreds one line at a time. Am I a sore loser? Yes, yes I am. Especially when I read entries that were as good as what I submitted.

I’ll say it again: there is a mass of gatekeeping and bias within the TTRPG industry at the designer level. I’m on a new subplane of frustrated over this bloody contest. I worked hard. I made it in under the ORIGINAL deadline and was given no credit for such. I put in entries that I think are at least as good as the winners.

Why isn’t my name up there? Well, unfortunately I’m not going to say where I think things went South. I’m none too happy with certain people in the industry right now. But, I’m not going to name anyone on the vague off chance I decide to subject myself to the same torture next year.

So, Mental Health Day again.

Maybe I am inadequate. Maybe I really am destined for failure. TTRPG design is the ONE thing I’ve ever felt I belong doing it. I feel so defeated right now. It’s indescribable.

So, I’m super depressed. I’ll call my therapist in the morning. Tonight I’m going to eat junk food, watch a horror movie, and maybe play some video games.

Tomorrow I’m staying off social media. No YouTube, Instagram, X (Twitter.) Threads, Blue Sky, or Mastodon. Every time I look on social media all I see are happy successful people. I don’t necessarily think I’m a part of that community out here barking in the dark night in and night out.

Yup, I’m going to maintain my right to take a day away from it and feel sorry for myself. I know what I’m capable of. I can create monsters. I can come up with magic items, spells, weapons, even entire classes. I can put out adventures, but I prefer not to because I suck at art and my maps are pretty crude.

I might just go back to doing it all for myself.

Before I really got back into the hobby a few years ago, I was mostly keeping to myself and raising kids. I have notebooks full of ICONS material, characters, plots, organizations and tons of villains. No one will ever likely see them. It was all strictly done for my amusement.

The 584 day streak will continue no matter what. I had this really neato article about hirelings in Shadowdark I was working on until a little while ago. Maybe I’ll finish it for tomorrow. I dunno. Maybe I’ll take a few days off of gaming content. I guess we’ll see what kind of mood I’m in tomorrow.

Thanks for being here. I appreciate you.